holiday.

Well. i'm leaving for my overseas family holiday tomorrow. Has been a while since we've done anything like this! so i'm looking forward to getting to know them again, and just simply being a family - no distractions (except for the "sight-seeing" obvious)... no other people or meetings to draw us away from spending quality time with each other. I'm really feeling the butterflies now!!! because it's more than just any ol' holiday to me. i really feel like there will be some significant spiritual changes in all of us whilst we're away. I'm not sure how that looks yet... but just a strong calling to keep an ear out for God's speaking into my life. Today is a combination of so many emotions for me. Sadness (leaving friends behind), Excitement, nervousness, etc. A potpurri if you like. I'm sure this will ease by the time i'm in singapore and easing into holiday mode. i really want to share this with you. A lady friend shared this with me, i bumped into her at a bridal expo on the weekend. no, i am no preparing to get married, i'm going to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friend's wedding - and so we went along to the expo for her sake (ya know, get new ideas and good deals, etc). Unfortunately for me, I didnt really quite know that being the expo would make me feel so anxious and spiritually uneasy. I've been married before, and it did fall apart. But since then, i've looked at wedding stuff and not felt this way at all!! My friend came up to me just at the right time on Sunday (at the expo) and told me about this vision she'd had a number of years before. And i'm sharing it with you today because of what it means to me personally. Vision: Doll. 24/08/02 I was thinking about the whys of my feelings – hurt and anger, and I realised that I feel like I’m ‘damaged goods’ – and it does hurt! It’s like you save yourself for the one person God chose for you, expecting everything to work together, and not having to deal with issues like this- here I am, with high hopes and dreams…feeling like somebody has ruined that – I’m always talking about not wanting ‘damaged goods’, and never realising that deep down, that’s how I felt I was. Damaged and Imperfect. Tonight God encouraged me. He showed me as a doll sitting on a shelf at the back of a toy shop – but I had been dropped or mistreated and should have been thrown in the ‘damaged’ bin, but I wasn’t. The shop owner saw my potential and lovingly worked on me – restoring me so I looked brand new again. People would not even know I’d been damaged (like the character Woody in the movie Toy Story 2) He said he’ll restore me – he can make me ‘new’ again and my future partner won’t be turned off – because he’ll see me the way God wants him to see me! J

God answers prayer.

it's just not always the answer we expect.

heaven. wanting so much to be where you are.

My prayer.... Heaven is what I dream. Reality is that sinking feeling. When what I want is so far out of reach, it's so hard to imagine anything close to heaven's goodness. And all I want to be is under your umbrella, Lord, in your will, within the perimeters of your plan. My life may not amount to much. I take you out and the garbage floods the wastelands. But it's you, truely, it's you. It's in you that I long to remain. Forever in your arms. Not relying on my own distractions But truely, you. God. My all. Some quotes.... "I wish there were some winderful place called 'The Land of Beginning Again', where all our heartaches and all our selfish grief could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door, and never be put on again." - Louisa Fletcher. "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - E.M. Forster "It's time to tell a new story, my story." - Chelsea Grant

Snippets from my personal journal... (this one was only written yesterday)

"Right in this moment, my heart is heavy and I can barely stand in my own strength. I just don't know what to do. What to say. Who to talk to. This one thing I know with all my heart is that my Lord God still remains. That He is full of grace. He is full of mercy. It's to His arms I want to run in to...... I know in the Lord I have been made worthy. And I love God with all my heart. I suppose what God is doing in me, is that He's stripping away everything so that I trust Him and foremost and that I completely rely on Him, God, my power source. Jesus, would you be my everything."

Rebecca St James _ "Reborn" Lyrics

If you see a change in me don't wonder There's someone in my life, a peace I can't describe For I've been reborn If you see a change in me don't wonder I found a whole new life A hope that I can't hide For I've been reborn Have you ever felt A longing, a searching within your soul for something more But you don't know what for There's One who will reach across the distance From the heavens to the earth Because He loves you He loves you If you see a change in me don't wonder There's someone in my life, a peace I can't describe For I've been reborn If you see a change in me don't wonder I found a whole new life A hope that I can't hide For I've been reborn If you see a change in me (X4) Have you ever felt That something's missing within your soul You want something more But you don't know what for There is only One you need But you've got to believe that he loves you Enough to give His life If you see a change in me don't wonder There's someone in my life, a peace I can't describe For I've been reborn If you see a change in me don't wonder I found a whole new life A hope that I can't hide For I've been reborn

just a little something i'm working on

"Hallelujah" they sang that day, "Precious Jesus washed our sin away." That day they lifted such praises high. Today, they forgot why. Another day, another place. They said crucify him. Only a week before, they sat there beside Him. How they changed how they mocked, how they shouted, how could they forget? Jesus does not forget you He'll never change or say He's too busy for you Jesus will not ever forget you. So why forget Him? "Awake my heart and change me!" I sang The next day, no change complete, no excuse, no reason, no motivation. My pride fot in the way, and life got my focus. And Jesus stood there with His arms wide open, and I turned away. Jesus does not forget you He'll never change or say He's too busy for you Jesus will not ever forget you. So why forget Him? Never can I again forget Him, no turning back. no turning back. I have decided to follow Jesus.

Story corner

Hey Friends... I wanted to share this story with you. It's not my own. A dear friend wrote this years ago and sent it to me recently considering some of the changes happening in my own life especially. God really used this story to speak to me. So, PERHAPS! there may be some other people our there that also might get something out of the story too. God Bless you as you read x The Two Sides of the Glass Mirror Wall There was once a young girl who had so many desires and dreams…but she also had a lot of inhibitions and fears. She was standing in front of a huge mirror – like a huge wall she couldn’t pass. She could see her destiny and dreams on the other side, but knew it would take great courage to live them. The only way she knew how to cross to the other side would be to shatter the mirror… She also knew that she would be cut by the glass…but that was the only way. As she lived each day, yearning to be on the other side, she built up her courage and tried to expose her vulnerabilities to herself. In seeing them, she tried to understand and deal with them. This was also a part of her shattering the glass. She could see what she wanted. The more she saw she was missing, the more she desired it. She could see those bear hugs and gentle security in the arms of her ‘prince’, but she also knew it didn’t matter how much she desired these things, she must shatter the wall. And only she could do it. She felt like her future was staring at her. She knew she could be there…if she had enough courage to leave the lonely comfort zone she found herself in. Yes, the glass may cut her, but cuts heal…and on the other side, she would be cared about. The cuts wouldn’t matter…In fact, the cuts may even increase the love awaiting her on the other side. She knew she had unconsciously “switched off” part of her thoughts/feelings relating to that prince. She had not allowed herself to feel what most people would feel. She felt it was a coping mechanism….that wouldn’t get her hurt. If she didn’t feel she wouldn’t hurt. But now she has begun to discover what she subconsciously hid from herself. She had cut off her ability to properly ‘feel’. She wanted to…she knew she wasn’t normal, but she wasn’t sure how to be normal. She could see how her own actions had hindered her ability to feel, and so she understood how she found herself staring at the glass wall…the wall she herself had subconsciously erected. And now, she knew, she must knock it down. It had held her captive, and she no longer wanted to be that prisoner. She wanted to punch the wall…to experience that pure, gentle love awaiting her on the other side. The one that knew she was captive, but was willing to wait for her to have the courage to come to him. He was just waiting…knowingly… and patiently for the day his princess would finally run into his arms, no longer held back by the glass… It may even be that the shards of glass will fall all over her…arms, head, chest…and she may require some TLC once the wall is gone…but the sheer fact she has made it to the other side should be enough to encourage her. The love awaiting her will tend to her needs and help her to heal…and she will. The shards of glass will only be temporary reminders of what she has come from….the cuts will fade in time. She knows once on the other side, she won’t want to turn back. She’ll feel the normal feelings of a normal person, and she won’t feel bad for feeling normal. Gradually, all the feelings she has denied herself will be released and not be discouraged. She won’t have to feel so self protective, and she will freely love and allow herself to be loved in return.