Eyes and Ears and Mouth and Nose.

For quite a long time now, i've been doubting how well i listen to God. After speaking to a lot of friends, I now know that I'm not in the same boat on that either!

My biggest thing was the whole supernatural experience... something that everyone talks about, but i had never really experienced for myself! Everyone always speaks of how they've seen visions, dreamed dreams, supernatural healing, being able to speak in another language that they themselves dont even know - the list just goes on!!

I thought, "maybe i'm just too afraid," or "maybe my faith is just not strong enough" or even "maybe it's not real?!"

A few sundays ago, my heart just broke.

It was the end of a very powerful sermon, and without really being able to describe to you why, I just knew at that moment i had to be down at the mercy seat to pray.
I couldn't stop crying. This overwhelming guilt, undescribable weight in my chest, this pounding in my head, it was all just too much! My tears poured out over the clean white mercy seat - leaving stains of black from my running mascara. I was in an absolute mess!

And as i prayed. I prayed to God, saying "I need you so much. I've had enough of what this world keeps dishing up, please just come and make it a little more bearable"
And as my eyes were closed, and my head resting on my arms in absolute defeat, I saw them - Lips.

Now dont get me wrong, there was nothing romantic about these lips at all. But they were coming in for a kiss... on my forehead. Instantly the lines of a Delirious song came to my head, "you come and burn me with a kiss"

I believe the Lord burnt me with his kiss that day. and ever since I just keep seeing him working in and around me. It wasn't scary to me at all, it made sense to me. In fact, it made me realise that it wasn't at all the first time he's spoken to me in that way!

The thing that just astounds me is that God doesn't always give us the answer we want. He doesn't do what we expect Him to do. I like being vulnerable to Him. He never lets me down, and He always surprises me.

And when i thought i wasn't hearing from Him at all, I actually was... and had in fact been hearing from Him for quite sometime... It was just that it wasn't in the way that I thought it should be.

So let me encourage you, stick with God (aka the Big Man).  He knows what he's doing. And he loves you so so SO much! It's not always obvious, us humans have a habit of not quite getting it sometimes. But God is always there.

Peace xo